Do you find it hard to say no? Express your limits? Or, on the contrary, do you tend to always say yes to please those around you? Out of fear of displeasing or being disliked?
No doubt it comes from your upbringing or the family environment in which you grew up. And yet, today, this mechanism can be challenged and transformed. You have the right to be loved, even when you say no. The first person who should love you is you! Saying no is above all an act of love towards yourself. So you respect your needs and your limits.
And it’s also proof that you can be authentic. Your no gives value to your yes. Because if you can say no, then people can trust your yes. If, on the other hand, you don’t know how to say no, then you may be saying yes while not respecting your limits. And in this case, it can sometimes put the people you’re interacting with in an abusive position. Which is obviously not what you want. That’s why it’s so important to know how to say no.
Unfortunately, since many of us haven’t learned to say no or express our limits, there’s quite a learning curve ahead.
In my workshops and coaching sessions, I often suggest exercises based on “no”. For example, I invite you to try and collect as many “no’s” as possible in one day. This exercise helps to make the practice more natural and easier to express.
On my last trip, I found the perfect place for this game: Morocco, a country of a thousand colors and spices. As I strolled through the maze of the medina (old town), at every step, someone invited me into their store, to enjoy a mint tea, or to buy a carpet or a chest carved from a thuja root… A camel ride? A tagine? A cup of tea?
These invitations, although often accompanied by big smiles, didn’t always correspond to my need to simply wander around or visit at my own pace. So I saw it as a great opportunity to say “no”. In Arabic, this is called “laa”.
At first, it’s a bit difficult… But having no choice… It becomes more and more natural.
Rest assured, you don’t have to go that far to learn how to say no… But in any case, Morocco is a magnificent country, with a very welcoming population. I loved Essaouira, where I was welcomed by Steffi and Cédric. And as luck would have it, several people from the Love Community were in Morocco at the same time as us, and we all got together to share some great moments of adelphity.
During this trip, I also had the pleasure of introducing another culture to my two teenagers, who accompanied us for part of the trip. It was an opportunity for them to discover another reality, to learn how to haggle and negotiate, to taste new flavors, to return home with 10 people in a small shared cab, to bathe in Moroccan flavors and to learn how to say “laa” (no)!
What about you? Is it easy to say no? I’d be delighted to hear from you.
